Teacher: Reading a book is better than sex.
Teacher: It’s like a 10-hour orgasm!
Girl pipes up: Yeah, and with a book I actually get to finish!
[Boys’ laughter dies off almost instantly as the girls hoot]
caterpillars have more muscles than humans but i’d like to see one try to fight me irl and see what happens
I just realized that “mini” is short for “minimal” and I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down
Wait that’s not even true it’s short for “miniature” FUCK MY LIFE
minimal golf. not too much golf. just enough golf so it wont piss you off.
Ah yes, the flute
The Vampire Diaries Exclusive: Bonnie and Damon’s Comic-Con Plea [x]
i hate when babies cry like grow the fuck up and pay taxes
marvel idea: give black widow a female love interest. me. hire me to kiss scarlett johansson.